Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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