You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
