i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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