Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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