you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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