her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
