Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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