they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
