And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
