You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize