You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
