idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
