gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
