Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
