would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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