my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I am naked and annoyed.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
