Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
