I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
