dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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