um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
