Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
