sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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