she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
