hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
