I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
