I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Farmville is her only friend.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
