We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
