Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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