i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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