Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
