oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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