I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
