Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
