6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize