I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
