I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
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