You're my little dorito
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
