She said her name was "party"
She announced her abortion via fbk
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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