dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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