The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
