I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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