Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
not ubering you a puppy
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
