can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
