in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
