so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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