I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
