I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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