I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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