You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
