I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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