Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
