I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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