mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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