I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize