That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
