wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
