So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
