my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
