I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
