shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I wear drunk well.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
