Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
