she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
