It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
