For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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