Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
