is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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