Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
