I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
