I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize