So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
