I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He better not be in your backpack
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
