I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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