Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
