She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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