if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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