I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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