How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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