I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
