Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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