who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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