I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
