I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
