I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
