I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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