just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
