We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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