alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
