In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
