Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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