8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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