So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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