Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
