He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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