I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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